If some of you ladies want to know how you can suck the life out of your marriage and drive your good husband to insanity, or to the bar, or into the arms of another woman, or to a divorce attorney, or just shrivel him up into a conquered quail who inwardly loathes you as he dies a slow, emotionally tortuous death, well then . . . this is your lucky day.
Here are 10 surefire principles that’ll make your husband more miserable than Donald Trump forced to watch Rosie river dance naked.
1. Nag your Husband.
One way to torture your hubby is to be a nerve grating, contentious, non-stop dripping faucet of faultfinding and finger pointing.
2. Criticize your husband in public.
Yep, publicly shame him. Become an expert at unveiling anything about your spouse that’ll cause him to want to jump in front of a speeding bus.
3. Keep Him On a Short Leash.
By short leashing your mate with insane limits your man will quickly feel like a stupid son, controlled by you, his new petulant mommy.
4. Become a Drama Queen.
Make the atmosphere of your home tense. Make it crazy. I mean … crazy.
5. Hate his Friends.
Sever the ties your companion has with those who have walked to hell and back with him because now . . . it’s all about you. You especially want to steer him clear of friends who feel the liberty to shed light on you, the interesting wife.
6. Hate his hobby.
Your goal is to joy steal any pleasure that can be had by the poor schlep. And anyways you don’t want him to enjoy anything that you don’t like.
7. Cut him off sexually.
It’s not enough to rag and ridicule him and then run his friends off. No, you must go the second mile and turn into the Sex Nazi. No sex for you!
8. Get your family involved in your marriage.
Forget this leave and cleave stuff the Bible dictates. If you want your union to unravel then you’ve got to gang tackle your husband with “The Family.”
9. Never apologize.
If, in the odd event you do something that hurts your husband never, I mean never, apologize. You . . . apologize? Please.
10. Do we really need a number 10?
Do you want your husband a wimpy husk of a man? No?
Then make sure that he’s the badass that’s he’s meant to be.
Make sure that you’re not doing those items above. If you’re guilty, say you’re sorry and get him this as a way to start fresh:
Does your grandpa go off on paltry politicians, whether they be Democrats or Republicans? Does he get misty eyed when he talks about God and Country and America’s future? And have you ever heard him scream, ‘Awww … Hell no!’ when Rosie O’Donnell starts yapping on television? If you answered yes to one, or all of the above, then your gramps will love Doug Giles’ latest book, My Grandpa Is A Patriotic Badass.
Don’t be fooled by the title — this ain’t just for Grandpa.
The Snowflake Generation — and the rest of America — needs a good ol’ dose of ‘Grandpa wisdom’.
Especially if that Grandpa is Doug Giles.
You’ll love My Grandpa Is A Patriotic Badass just as much as Grandpa will.
There’s one thing that increasingly unites men and women these days. We can both agree that Liberals are losing their ever-loving minds. Now there’s a shirt that says just that.
Conveniently available in Both Ladies…
AND Men’s versions.
Either Liberals just don’t get it, or they are sick in the head. Probably both. Think about it: They want to have all of the blessings that come with living in a capitalist society such as modern medicine and technology. But they believe in socialism, which stifles innovation and progress.
They want to be protected by the police and the military, but they attack and criticize the men and women who protect us. They call conservatives “racists,” but it’s their own identity politics that have created race problems in the first place. After all, Democrats were the party of slavery!
They attack hunters, but have no problem wearing leather shoes or owning cars with leather upholstery! And of course, they believe guns kill people. Not the people that pull the trigger.
Well, here’s a shirt that sums it perfectly. Liberalism is a… MENTAL DISORDER.
And the best part? This shirt is made in the USA, printed in the USA, on an American-Made t-shirt press!
Ladies, get yours here.
Bros, click here, instead.