Doritos Is Making A ‘Female-Friendly’ Chip – No, This Isn’t Satire

What the — Come on people! This is going too far.

We’re going to start making gender-specific chips now? That’s just stupid.

Bosses at Doritos have revealed they are to launch a new “lady-friendly” version of the snack which are quieter to eat and a lot less messy.

Food and drinks giant PepsiCo — which owns Doritos — has claimed research has found women do not like to crunch loudly or lick their fingers when eating in front of others.

Tortilla chips that don’t crunch — great plan, Doritos.

What, pray tell, will these non-crunching chips be like?

They won’t have the orange powdered cheese on them because women don’t want to lick their fingers in public. They’ll be non-crunchy but still chip-like.

Cheese flavored tortillas?

Who knows.

PepsiCo’s research shows that the gender gap on tortilla chip consumption is one that they need to close.

Global chief exec Indra Nooyi told Freakonomics Radio: “Although women would love to crunch [chips] loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.

“You watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom.

“Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers.”

The new ‘female friendly’ chips will also come in a new package that is made smaller to fit in a woman’s purse. Look, I’m a female editor here at Clash, and I say that’s not an issue. Just get a bigger purse! Duh.

That smaller packaging has caused a ruckus. Cue the outraged Third Wave Feminists!

Feminists claim that the creation of gender-specific chips reinforces the gender binary and plays to the idea that biological gender has something to do with your gender identity. Did you see how many times ‘gender’ was used in the previous sentence? It’s insane! Besides, rational people do believe that chromosomes (ie. biology — you know, science,) are the determiners for gender.

A spokesman from the Women’s Equality Party said: “Companies that perpetuate these tired gender stereotypes will continue to lose out on the single biggest consumer group: women.

“No doubt some male consumers will welcome the chance to have a bigger package. But the idea of shrinking products for women, no doubt for the same price, is as old as the Ad Men making these decisions.”
Source: New York Post

First off, let me laugh my immature fool head off for a moment while I revel in a feminist saying the following phrase: ‘some male consumers will welcome the chance to have a bigger package.’

Ok, I’m good now.

This puts me in an awkward situation — I hate the idea of non-crunchy female-specific Doritos because I like the regular kind, but it’s ticking off Third Wave feminists. I try to disagree with them as much as possible. This is a real personal conundrum — do I support this capitalist move and tick off the feminists, or shun the stupidity?

Oh, by the way, PepsiCo hasn’t ruled out a male-specific line of products, but they weren’t clear on if this just meant a revamping of flavors like — Freshly-Mowed Lawn, Serious Barbecue, Car Parts, or perhaps Cigar. (If you’re wondering why I didn’t list ‘firearms’ in there, it’s because self-defense is not just a guy thing.)

What do you think of the ‘female-friendly’ Doritos?

What Do You Think Of 'Lady' Doritos?

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

 Effeminization Of The American Male

by Doug Giles

Doug Giles, best-selling author of Raising Righteous And Rowdy Girls and Editor-In-Chief of the mega-blog,, has just penned a book he guarantees will kick hipster males into the rarefied air of masculinity. That is, if the man-child will put down his frappuccino; shut the hell up and listen and obey everything he instructs them to do in his timely and tornadic tome. Buy Now:The Effeminization Of The American Male

Women are great. Just like our very own President Trump says, we like all women except Rosie O’Donnell and her feminist pals.

How do you confuse a feminist? (Tell her she can’t make you a sandwich!)

Do you want to really confuse a feminist?

Here you go, Ladies:

Get yours today at the Clash Store!

Like Clash? Like Clash.

Leave a Comment

We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, vulgarity, profanity, all caps, or discourteous behavior. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain a courteous and useful public environment where we can engage in reasonable discourse.